10 Tips To Build a Strong Loving Intimate Relationship. When you help the other person change or grow, it is enlightened self-interest. We learn to love ourselves because we are loved by others. Everyone grew up with a relationship story. Everyone has a narrative about relationships. Do you collaborate or compete. Were you raised for autonomy or interdependence. Find your story. The biggest turn-on is confidence. The need for connection and the need for freedom. Belonging vs Becoming.